


To Kiss an Elf

by haruka



Category: Lord of the Rings - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Lord of the Rings, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-01
Updated: 2004-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-02 22:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haruka/pseuds/haruka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Hobbits set out to prove whether an old adage about Elves is truth or myth, with Legolas as the guinea pig.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Kiss an Elf

Contains m/m kissing (non-romantic)

To Kiss an Elf (LOTR)

By Haruka (haruka@ymail.com)

\--

Sam Gamgee stole a glance across the clearing in which the Fellowship were camped on the their way to Mordor. He watched their Elf companion, Legolas, as he put more wood on their fire. His every movement was graceful and fluid, like music personified.

"Sam? Sam? SAM!"

"Huh?" The Hobbit jumped, turning to face another Hobbit with dark curly hair and curious blue eyes.

"Mr. Frodo, you startled me!" Sam accused.

Frodo grinned at him. "Maybe I wouldn't have if you hadn't been swooning over Legolas."

Same gasped and put a hand to his heart. "How can you suggest such a thing, Frodo? Yes, Legolas is very handsome, but all Elves are --"

"And we all know how you fancy Elves," Frodo added.

"Well, who doesn't?"

"Dwarves."

Sam sighed. "That aside, am I wrong about his being handsome?"

"Of course not." Frodo watched Legolas walk over to their firepit and add some extra pieces of wood. "He's really quite beautiful."

"Who is?" Pippin and Merry plunked down beside their fellow Hobbits. "_Oh_," Merry said as he noticed Legolas. "His royal comeliness."

"Merry!" Frodo admonished.

"See?" Sam said triumphantly.

"I heard that if you hug an Elf, you have good luck all day," Pippin said knowingly.

"I heard that if you kiss an Elf, you have good luck FOREVER!" Merry said.

"Yes! There was an old saying," Frodo said thoughtfully. "'An Elf's kiss stolen is luck lifelong and …' I can't remember the rest."

"I don't think you can possibly have anything BUT good luck when kissing an Elf," Sam said wistfully.

"But imagine having the opportunity to kiss one AND be ensured good luck for life?" Merry pointed out. He stole another glance in Legolas' direction. "And I can't say that I would mind finding out if that old adage is true with our traveling companion."

"With Legolas?" Pippin gasped. "Merry, do you really mean to do it?"

"He didn't say that," Frodo remarked. "He only said he wouldn't mind if he could."

"Well, why _can't_ I?" Merry asked.

Sam sniffed disdainfully. "You wouldn't have the nerve."

"Is that so, Samwise Gamgee?" Merry said. "I would SO do it, unlike yourself!"

"Why would I?" Sam demanded.

Pippin grinned. "For a lifetime of good luck AND the opportunity to kiss Legolas? If this is a challenge, count me in!"

"Well, count me OUT," Sam stated firmly. "Mr. Frodo and I want no part of this farce!"

Frodo cleared his throat. "Actually, Sam, maybe we should think about this."

The other three hobbits stared at him. "Mr. Frodo!" Sam exclaimed. "Have you taken leave of your senses?!"

"But what if it IS true, and not just an old saying with no basis in reality?" Frodo's wide eyes pleaded with Sam's. "We need all the good luck we can get on this journey."

"Hey, he's right!" Merry said.

Pippin nodded. "So we should ALL stock up on good luck and kiss an Elf!"

"But there's only one Elf HERE." Sam made another attempt to appeal to their common sense. "Legolas isn't going to just give up kisses for the asking, nor should he have to!"

"It wouldn't be any fun if he just gave them to us, anyway." Pippin's eyes sparkled. "Why should you be granted life-long good luck if you don't work for it a little?"

"He will gut the first of you who attempts it," Sam predicted.

"But you're going to try, too, aren't you, Sam?" Frodo asked, making Merry and Pippin grin at each other. They knew Sam would do anything Frodo asked of him.

"Aw, Mr. Frodo ...," Sam groaned.

"He'll do it," Merry predicted. "He loves and admires Elves more than any of us!"

"Yes, but I also respect them, and I don't think Legolas will appreciate this," Sam said miserably, then sighed, "But if you desire it of me, Mr. Frodo, then I'll do it."

"Thank you, Sam." Frodo smiled gratefully.

"This is going to be fun." Pippin rubbed his hands together gleefully.

\--

"Aragorn," Boromir said, glancing back toward where the Hobbits were huddled, whispering, "do you think those four are up to something?"

"Like what?" the Ranger asked casually as he cleaned his sword.

"I do not know," Boromir replied. "But they have been acting secretively, and they keep staring at Legolas."

Aragorn looked up and grinned at Boromir. "Only a blind man could be in the presence of that much beauty and not take notice, my friend."

"Aye, I am not denying that. All I am saying is that those four Hobbits are acting like little conspirators."

"Nonsense," Aragorn said. "This is the first big adventure they have experienced in their limited lives, Boromir. Everything is new and wondrous to them."

"Hmm. We shall see." Boromir murmured, casting the Hobbits another suspicious glance.

\--

Legolas was satisfied that the fire had enough wood and decided that he would go into the woods and do some hunting for their dinner. He had alerted Gandalf to his departure, then headed off, bow in hand.

He hadn't gone far when he became aware of another presence. It was small, but moving noisily through the brush. He readied his arrow and carefully stepped closer to one particular bush ….

Suddenly, someone popped up in front of him and he felt lips press briefly against his own.

"What --?!" He jumped back and stared down at Pippin, who was grinning broadly. "What is wrong with you, Pippin?!" he exclaimed. "I almost shot you! And what is the meaning of --?!"

He realized there was no point in speaking further. The Hobbit had scampered away.

\--

"Legolas is back already," Gimli remarked as the Elf approached their campsite.

"I wonder what happened," Gandalf murmured.

"Whatever it was, it wasn't finding dinner," Boromir said. "He's empty-handed."

Legolas strode over and stopped in front of them. "Where is Pippin?"

"He should be nearby, we told him not to wander off," Aragorn said. "Why?"

"Because he leapt before my arrow like a fool and then he --" Legolas stopped himself, looking away and blushing.

"He what?" Boromir asked curiously.

Legolas gave an exasperated sigh and faced him. "He kissed me!"

The others exchanged surprised glances.

"That's … odd," Aragorn remarked.

"To say the least," Gimli agreed, eyes twinkling. "It must have been an accident. Why else would anyone voluntarily kiss an Elf?"

Legolas gave him a Look and Gandalf patted his shoulder. "We will find Pippin and ask him what mischief he is up to now. In the meantime, why do you not go bathe in the creek? It will relax you."

Legolas nodded. "Very well." He headed for the creek. "I fail to see how the little one even REACHED my lips -- what did he do, jump off a rock?"

"Probably," Aragorn remarked, trying not to chuckle.

\--

At the creek, Legolas sat on a nearby stump to remove his boots. He was looking forward to this. Gandalf was right; bathing always relaxed him and made him feel better. Maybe with a less troubled mind he'd be able to figure out what had possessed Pippin to be so inexplicably bold.

There was a tap on his shoulder and Legolas turned. Merry leaned forward and kissed him soundly on the mouth before running away, leaving Legolas staring after him.

\--

Once back at camp (after a bath that was anything but relaxing, thanks to looking over his shoulder every few moments), Legolas quietly told Aragorn what happened with Merry, not wanting the others to know and tease him further.

"With both of them at it, there must be a reason," Aragorn told him. "It is like they are playing some sort of game."

"So you think it is harmless?" Legolas asked. Aragorn gave him a significant look.

"Not if it distresses you."

Legolas sighed. "I suppose if it is just a game … and we know Merry and Pippin are prone to such things … I will try not to worry about it. Besides," he smiled at Aragorn, "they must be finished with it by now, as the two of them already kissed me."

"You are most likely right." Aragorn nodded. "Come have something to eat and forget about it."

\--

After their meal, during which neither Legolas nor the Hobbits made any mention of what had transpired, everyone went about their own business. Frodo passed by Legolas on his way to the creek, and the Elf noticed the Hobbit rubbing his shoulder -- the one in which he'd been stabbed -- and wincing. It was obviously still bothering him. He got up and followed him until they reached the creek.

"Frodo," he said kindly, "I could not help noticing you are still in pain. Is there anything I can do?"

The halfling turned and looked up at him gratefully. "It HAS been bothering me more today than before. Perhaps if you take a look at it?"

"Certainly, come over here." Legolas led him to the same stump he'd sat on before and he took a seat there again, then reached out to uncover Frodo's shoulder. However as soon as he was within reach, the dark-haired Hobbit took his face in both hands and gave him a quick but firm kiss!

Legolas was faster on the up-take this time and caught Frodo's arm -- which no longer seemed to be causing him pain -- before he could run off. "You deceived me?" he said incredulously. "Made me feel pity for you so that you could lure me down to your level? Frodo, that was a terrible thing to do and you shall not get away with it!" In one swift movement, he'd taken the Hobbit across his lap, then he yanked down his pants and gave his bare backside a sharp smack with his hand, then another, and another.

"I'm sorry, Legolas!" Frodo cried, squirming in his grip as the spanking continued. "I had to do it -- for the good of the quest!"

By all the Gods, our Ringbearer has lost his senses, Legolas thought fearfully. "What are you talking about?" he demanded, giving him another painful spank for good measure.

"AHHH!" Frodo yelped, hoping that Sam wouldn't come by and stab Legolas for daring to hurt him. On the other hand, maybe Sam would feel he deserved it for bringing up this idea in the first place. "We had to kiss you for luck!" he declared.

Legolas paused in mid-spank, astonished. "For …?" He stared down at the small figure over his knees. "Are you talking about that old saying about Elves and kisses?"

"Yes!" Frodo confessed. "Oh, please let me up! I truly meant no harm!"

Now it all made sense. Legolas lifted the Hobbit up and helped him dress. "Do you feel you were very lucky just now, Frodo?" he asked sternly.

Frodo wiped his moist eyes. "No, I don't. But not because you spanked me, but because I offended you and may have lost your friendship."

Legolas' expression softened and he put a hand on Frodo's shoulder. "It would take more than that to drive me from your side, Frodo. But please, not all is as it may seem with those old sayings, especially that one. It is best not to put too much stock in them unless you are sure of what you are doing."

"I'll remember," Frodo said. "Again, I'm sorry."

"I know," Legolas assured him. "Go ahead now, off with you. And do not ever feign injury again, for we all worry about you enough as it is."

Frodo blushed slightly and nodded, then hurried off toward camp.

Legolas sighed. Blast that old adage -- it had caused he and his kin more trouble than anyone knew over the centuries.

\--

Sam was sitting alone under a tree not far from camp when he saw Legolas returning from the creek. He had seen Frodo go by a little while ago, rubbing his bottom as if he had taken a fall or something, and he meant to go ask him about it soon, but the task his beloved friend had assigned him weighed heavily on his mind and he knew he must do something about it soon or he never would. With a resigned sigh, he got up and followed the Elf.

"Legolas?"

He stopped and turned. "Yes, Sam?" he asked, his tone wary.

"I … that is … if you wouldn't mind … I mean …." Sam stared at the ground, searching for words that eluded him, until finally he shook his head. He couldn't do it. His shoulders slumped in defeat.

Legolas read Sam's body language and decided that although he'd been fooled once, he would take another chance on a different Hobbit. He knelt before him, dangerously within kissing range, but held his stance. "Tell me what is wrong, Sam."

The Hobbit looked at him mournfully. "I promised Mr. Frodo I would try -- he hopes for good luck on this quest so much, and I know we could use it. But …." He lowered his gaze once more. "I can't do it."

"You mean steal an elf's kiss for luck?" Legolas asked softly.

Sam nodded. "You've figured out what we've been doing then. I'm not surprised, Elves are intelligent as well as beautiful. I'm deeply sorry."

"You have not done anything to be sorry for, Sam." Legolas put a hand behind the Hobbit's head and drew him forward to bestow a gentle kiss to his forehead. When he pulled back and saw Sam staring at him, wide-eyed, he smiled. "That old saying has been misinterpreted and re-written so many times that no one ever gets it right anymore. The true saying is, 'An Elf's kiss GIVEN is luck life-long. An Elf's kiss STOLEN makes chance go wrong.'"

"You kissed me," Sam said breathlessly.

Legolas cupped Sam's face with a cool palm. "Whether there is any real truth in the saying, I know not, but if anyone deserves good luck, it is you. Your devotion to Frodo will be what sees him through this ordeal if anything does."

"I hope so," Sam said with a shy grin. "Because if he already stole a kiss from you, he'll need as much of MY luck as he can get!"

\--

(2004)

I do not own any of the characters in this story.

This fic is not to be re-posted.


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